Pity Party: Invitation Accepted

I have been sleeping worse than I have in a very long time.  I have some good things that are bubbling under the surface right now, but I don't want to talk about them just yet for fear of jinxing them.  But these dreams...ugh.  They are ridiculous!  They're hateful and horrible.  I actually dreamed that I was murdered last night and you know, I don't dream of dying very often.  I asked Nick why the hell I'm dreaming about being murdered and he responded that he'd forgotten his lunch at home.  This is my life.

There isn't much new on the wedding front.  Nick and I talked about colors and we've mutually decided that we both hate yellow and no pink is allowed.  He's not a pink fan.  Also, that we don't hate orange, but it's not going to work.  Yes, I had even considered orange.  I'm still really liking apple green.  I found a more clover green bridesmaid dress for a really good price online, and if it matches Cynthia's measurements, I plan to get it for her.  It would be cute even with a wrap, because she will probably want one, if I can find a good color, of course.

But all of this matters to no one, because everyone just wants to know when when WHEN.  I don't KNOW when.  I don't have the money for a wedding right now and I don't know when I will.  Yes, I want to get married next year.  If I could, I'd get married right now.  I'm in love, people.  I think most people forget that we aren't "living the dream" here in Colorado.  It's like, I have bills to pay.  Rent to pay.  Everything to pay.  And saving just isn't going to happen for another couple weeks, after I bounce back from paying off a medical credit card.  Ugh!

So.  I plan on doing my own makeup (which is not inconceivable, considering I am a makeup artist).  Honestly, I could even make my own cake.  If I buy a couple decorating books, some new recipes, and pans just for the occasion, I could do it.  My dress will be cheap, but still pretty.  Shoes will be the hardest find for me, really.  If I want to be really happy, I'll go barefoot.  I can make my own decorations.  I want a very small ceremony.  I can't do my own hair, but I'm sure I can figure something out.  Ugh.  But these things still cost money and money isn't something I'm rolling in.

Enough with my pity party, though.  So think happy thoughts and maybe he and I will get inspired and be able to make this whole thing come together.